Creative Copy Challenge #89

Today’s words come to us from Naomi Dunford of IttyBiz fame. Show her some comment love or she’ll kick your ass…verbally. (NOTE: Naomi is giving away a free consult or Sales Page Splash (you choose) to her favorite submission.)

BET YOU CAN’T do this writing prompt. Take the 10 random words below and, in the comments, crush writer’s block by creating a cohesive, creative short story tying all of them together! And remember: after (if) you finish, highlight your words and click the bold button to make them stand out and help you determine if you forgot any words. (If you’ve missed previous writing prompts, we BET YOU CAN’T do those, either.)

  1. apothecary – One that prepares and sells drugs and other medicines; a pharmacist.
  2. Minx
  3. Puree
  4. Shimmer
  5. Luscious
  6. Linger
  7. Bananas
  8. Wand
  9. Treacle – British Molasses; A medicinal compound formerly used as an antidote for poison; anything sweet and cloying
  10. Wheat OR motherf#cker – This wouldn’t be Naomi’s list without one curse. I used the # so porn spam won’t swamp us. You can use either word. If you want, use symbols like @# in the curse word, or subs like “motherbleepin”

NOTE: Don’t copy and paste from MS Word. Use a program like notepad that removes formatting or just type in the comment field itself. Also, finish your submission, THEN bold the words. Thanks. (And don’t forget to tweet this and share it with your friends.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Resources you should check out:
Thesis: Best Damn Theme on the Web
Collective Ink Well: Personalize Your Thesis Theme
Third Tribe Marketing: Marketing done the right way
Story Structure Demystified: Best damn writing book out there

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57 Comments on “Creative Copy Challenge #89”

  1. Shane Arthur says:

    “What the f#ck are mother-f#cking-wheat bagels?” Naomi asked James as he spat out stray pieces of feather boa entering his mouth from the wind of their ’57 Chevy.

    “Tastes like pureed banana shimmers, man,” Sonia interrupted, licking her lips, fighting back cotton mouth. “Man, I could… eat… ten of those right now, man.”

    “Untie me with your literary wand, James,” Brian interrupted dryly, “and I’ll give you a bullet-list explanation of shimmers and content marketing.”

    “Don’t trust him, James,” Naomi shot back. “He used to be an apothecary. He’s a crafty minx, as unpredictable as circus carnies.”

    “No, make that eleven shimmers, with double servings of treacle on top. Yeah, man, treacle on top. Huh? What? Did someone just say Brian owns an apple cart?”

    “Shit, James!” Naomi shouted, “The luscious hooker sitting on Brian’s belly just spilled the tequila bottle. It’ll ruin your suede seats.”

    “Let it linger, Dunford. This bitch is a rental,” James replied. “Besides, I put the car, the cocaine, the hookers, and the bagels on Brian’s credit card.”

  2. “Are you putting treacle on your cereal? That’s disgusting,” Naomi snorted. “Goddamned Quebecer. Can’t trust you people at all.”

    James glanced up, his face turning red as the black substance dripped from his spoon. “I thought it was like maple syrup.” He stubbornly stuck his spoon right into his bowl to stir the mess up. Take that, mother*cker. “Better than dipping bananas in it like you’re doing.”

    “Yeah, but I bet you can’t do this with a banana,” Naomi smiled smugly and proceeded to turn James’ face completely puce.

    “That’s… stop that,” he muttered. “You shouldn’t be-…”

    “Anyone need anything at the apothecary?” Naomi’s mum poked her head in and James beamed. He loved that woman. Mostly for saving the day but definitely because of her British appeal.

    “What are you eating, darlings? That looks absolutely luscious,” she noted as she peeked in James’ bowl then looked over at Naomi. “Dearest, stop doing that please,” she said as James stuck his tongue out at Naomi and her banana. “It makes you look like a minx. You should make puree instead and bake up a lovely batch of muffins.”

    “Right. Muffins,” Naomi muttered and glared at James. “You’d better get going,” she urged her mum out of the room. “This isn’t the kind of place you want to linger. What is that on your face, anyways?” Naomi squinted at her mum. “Did you put on some kind of shimmer?”

    “Makes me look ten years younger,” her mother beamed and patted her face. “It’s like waving a magic wand, don’t you think?”

    “Absolutely,” Naomi stated, and then pointed at James. “Do me a favour. Use that wand and change him from a toad into a million bucks. Then maybe we can actually get someplace around here.”

  3. margaret says:

    Smoothies, smoothies are a luscious drink
    much simpler to make than you would think.
    Puree some fruit, throw in some  juice
    anyone can do it who’s not obtuse.

    You don’t need a grand apothecary
    just get a blender, please don’t tarry…
    bananas turn brown and start to look hairy.

    A shot of rum will add some shimmer
    (the lights are suddenly growing dimmer!!)
    Some sugar’s good, but not like treacle
    if you prefer, just use some EQUAL.

    No magic wand will you need
    no instructions will you have to read.
    include some ice cream, whipped cream and a cherry
    (hope you’re not allergic to dairy!!)

    Flip the switch, and let ‘er rip….
    no barista minx to have to tip!
    Now take a sip, you’ll want to linger
    and lick the whipped cream off your finger.

    UUUGGGGHHH! What Motherf#&ker threw in some protein powder when I wasn’t looking and f&cked the whole thing up?  Damn health nuts!!!

  4. At first, I found her style off-putting, but I had only read a few articles out of context.
    Reading more in context on her website, I realized that the colorful voice was just her way of expressing passion and humor. It worked very well, was most entertaining, and who could argue with PR3, 35,000 unique visitors per month, and a horde of fanatical subscribers?
    Jon encouraged new bloggers to cozy up to the pros, and I did my best, but our email and tweet exchanges reminded me of a casting couch. She purred and growled, I lounged legs up and smiling. But it never went anywhere. I told Shane about it in a long DM exchange, though most of his responses consisted of “ROFLMAO” and other less polite acronyms.
    Weeks later, we both happened to be at Heathrow on a short layover, and she agreed to a brief video interview. I was elated, and wished I had a Pepsi Max to give her as a token of goodwill. I fired up the laptop, video camera, and voice recorder while she finished her bananas and treacle puree. I waved the mic wand around to test it. She glared at me and said “You’d better mean business with that, motherf#cker!”
    Oh my stars and bars! “Ms. Dunford, Ma’am,” I soothed in my smoothest southern baritone, “I’ve read your work and I know your reputation, and with all due respect to your saucy style there’s no way I can let you slip a curse word into this live interview, so please behave.”
    She smirked, just like in her Twitter picture. Luscious minx!
    I was nervous, and felt like I couldn’t string ten words together coherently. I could see a bar just a few meters away, and was sorely tempted. Everything was on and ready, except me. I was sweating. The feed was live. Here we go!
    “I’m here with Naomi Dunford, of ittybiz.com,” I began, hoping my hands weren’t shaking the camera too much. “Ms. Dunford has graciously agreed to a few words on her astounding success, unique writing style, and passion for helping small businesses succeed.”
    “Heff!”, she said, waving at some guy in pajamas. I couldn’t see him clearly for all the blondes. Did she not realize we were live?
    “Ms. Dunford, Ma’am,” I continued, “thank you for agreeing to this interview. My first question is, what is the most important factor in a successful ittybiz?”
    “You!” she said, and glared at me like I was the village idiot.
    Of course, I am the only thing that can change me. I have to take charge of my business destiny. No wonder she gets $500/hour for coaching, she saw right through my delusions in an instant!
    “Yes, that makes sense. Take charge of your own destiny folks, can’t argue with that,” I said. Two words in and I had already lost control of the interview. I’m not star-struck, but I have to say that proximity proved daunting. Focus! “If you had just one word of advice for new business bloggers, what would it be?” I asked.
    “See!” she said, smiling wickedly.
    “See the opportunities in everyday things, thank you,” I covered. Why was she being so terse? I suspected she was playing a trick on me.
    The announcer called out her plane, so I boldly jumped to my last ‘gotcha’ question. “It’s been said that Shane and James owe much of their success to secret coaching from you, do you agree?”
    “‘Kay!” she said, and the interview was over. She seemed most agreeable, though I couldn’t help feeling that something had slipped by me, like a ninja in the night. I thanked her and began putting away my equipment.
    I shouldn’t have lingered. I shouldn’t have called her “Ma’am” so many times. I think my southern baritone just got her too excited. I offered her my hand as I bid her farewell, and she bit me!
    The apothecary said I would recover, but I have my doubts. There’s a shimmering aura around everyone now, sunlight hurts, and I can suddenly see far too well in the dark.

  5. Patsi Sota says:

    I found myself, again, at the Hysteric Gypsy. As I was peeking through the window I heard a bell ring. I turned and there she was. The old, shriveled witch of a woman. She asked me if I was going to come in. I said sure and followed her.

    I explained that my wife had, well, let herself go over the years. I told her that my wife had visited every Apothecary in the county but no one could help. I could not stand to touch her the way she looked. She made my skin crawl with revulsion.

    With a nod of her head and a fee of $300 later she started her brew. Within an hour and a wave of her wand the pureed potion was done. I put the small bottle under my nose expecting the odor to be strong and vile. To my surprise it smelled of bananas. I was told to put 3 drops in her tea every month to continue the working of the spell.

    At dinner I put the drop in as my wife returned to the kitchen to fetch our plates. She took a sip of tea and I swear I saw her shimmer for just a second. By the time we were enjoying our dessert my wife had transformed in a luscious, provacative minx. I wanted to say “here kitty” but did not.

    My wife asked how I liked the chocolate torte. I told her it was excellent, and it was. She just smiled. I continued to eat but I was having difficulty lifting my arm and the fork kept falling out of my fingers. My twisted, sore fingers. I spine was twisting and my teeth fell out as well as my hair.

    Motherf#@ker! What the hell is wrong with my hand? I asked.

    “Don’t worry Darling. It is just a small spell. You shall linger this way for many years. I want to thank you for the youth dew.”

    “I don’t understand”.

    “The Hysteric Gypsy. I know what you did, and I must say it is a shame I haven’t thought of it myself. Oh well. Anyway don’t bother with treacle, it won’t work. Your wheel chair will arrive in the morning and on Monday Shady Rest Home will pick you up. Until then I will be in Spain, with Juan and Miguel, enjoying my youth. It’s not cheating, I will be thinking of you the entire time. Adios” she said “by the way, your dentures are not ready yet, use the straw.”

    She laughed all the way to the airport

  6. Karen Tiede says:

    The minx lingered outside the apothecary.  What was that light?  It came from the diner next door.  It was some kind of shimmer… light dancing off treacle flowing from the dipping wand* and spiraled onto a bowl of cream of wheat covered in pureed bananas.
    Luscious!, she thought, and went in for breakfast.
    *I’m thinking of those jars that are used to serve honey…

    • Shane Arthur says:

      @Karan: Hey there. Welcome to the CCC. That was a great 1st submission. Loved how that banana line flowed so smoothly. Well done.
      I’ll add your name and URL to the CCC Community Links page now. I think you’ll love this place. Everyone, welcome Karen to the addiction.

    • Patsi Sota says:

      Welcome Karen! Great start. This is a wonderful place to visit & stay!

    • Cathy Miller says:

      Karen – Welcome to CCC!

      Better than a wild trip on the treats of the apothecary, CCC is a minx of mischief and a puree of perfection and pride. Shimmer on over to give the challenging 10 your best shot with the luscious words of imagination. We warn you it is quite the addiction and you will want to linger all day long.

      You’ll go bananas without your weekly shot of CCC where the wand of creativity blesses all who arrive. If the addiction were poison, you’d refuse any treacle from the nourishing wheat to your soul.

      Welcome!

      • Shane Arthur says:

        @Cathy: Reading these welcome messages is like sipping a nice cup of Earl Gray tea in the morning. Mmmmm. You rock, Cathy.

    • margaret says:

      Welcome, Karen…fun submission. We’re all bananas here, but I think you’ll enjoy the CCC.

  7. Patsi Sota says:

    Love the Heff You See Kay!!!!!

  8. Cori Padgett says:

    OK, I’ll play! 🙂
    ————————————————-
    “MOTHERF#CKER! OW!”

    And then…
    “Frack! DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!”

    Cori scowled mutinously, sucking the offended finger tip and eyeballing her nemesis with equal parts scorn, disdain, and disgust. 

    “Food processors are supposed to friggin’ PUREE, not slice and dice body parts” she muttered irritably.

    Blowing a thick lock of hair impatiently from her face, she set her jaw mulishly, eyes roving over the mess cluttering up the counter space, as if with her glare the food processor would somehow straighten up and work properly.

    Reaching out, she snapped up the user’s manual, whipping it open re-read the directions for the umpteeth time in the last 20 minutes.

    “Pick up detachable disk stem and…” she stopped reading abruptly as Naomi sauntered in, eyes roving slowly over the mess of metal and plastic parts cluttering up her kitchen. 

    “Great” Cori thought.  “Now the minx was going to tease her mercilessly.” She quickly dropped the manual on the counter top behind her, pressing her lips together guiltily.

    Just then she noticed a grin tugging at Naomi’s own lips, and her eyes narrowed hotly.
    With renewed furor Cori snapped the manual back up and slapped it into Naomi’s hand with a curse.
    Then she snapped “Is it really too much to ask for a nicely blended banana smoothie, with a little dash of treacle to come out of this blasted machine?” and pointed to the current cause of her frustration.

    Snickering in amusement, Naomi drawled “Well… it’s not like you can wave a magic wand, and out pops luscious, tasty smoothies on demand.”

    Cori shot her a dry look.
    Sniffing , she huffed “Right. Duly noted.  But you shouldn’t have to have the skills of a bleepin’ apothecary AND a mechanic just to whip up a decent 3 ingredient smoothie either!”

    Naomi, turning quickly toward the fridge lest Cori notice the shimmer of glee lighting up her eyes, jerked the fridge door open, biting her tongue to stifle a snort of laughter. 

    She let her eyes linger on the contents for a moment, struggling to wipe the amusement off her face before reaching in and pulling out two big glasses of thick, nicely blended banana smoothie, that she’d got up extra early that morning to make herself, just to get under Cori’s skin.

    Spinning around, Naomi presented her with a glass and a deceptively innocent look on her face.
    Then she shrugged, keeping her tone purposely nonchalant lest she tip her friend off that she’d been punked.  “I mean really” Naomi thought… “it’s just so damn cute when she tries to be domestic!”
    “I figured you’d have trouble given your usual abhorrent capabilities in the kitchen, so I got up early this morning to make them myself” Naomi said instead.

    Gasping, Cori immediately snatched her glass and scowled again.  “Hmmnnfff.”  Lifting the glass gingerly to her lips, she tasted.
    Then, eyes widening in surprise when it actually tasted GOOD, she raised her glass to Naomi in grudging salute, glad at least someone had the skills to keep them both from starving.
    “Well done m’dear, although you might have had some mercy and told me that before I drew blood.”  She held out her sliced finger for Naomi to see.

    Sighing, taking another sip of the delicious concoction, Cori finally glanced around the kitchen at the abominable mess she’d made and inwardly cringed.
    But still feeling the sting of her wounded finger as well as a niggling ounce of  suspicion that she’d just been had for the sake of  amusement, she thought for a minute and then brightened mischievously.
    Suddenly, with a secret smile of satisfaction and her voice ringing with finality she announced “Great! So I’ll leave clean up to you then Naomi” and shot her a pointed look.
    With that, she sailed out of the kitchen, chin raised stubbornly in the air, the blasted (but still tasty) smoothie in hand.
    As the door slammed shut behind her, Naomi stared blankly where Cori had been standing.  Then, hearing a chuckle of laughter drift through the wall, her jaw dropped.
    Surveying the massive mess and remembering how early she’d had to get  up that morning, a thought suddenly occurred and Naomi had to wonder… just who punked who today?
    “F#CK!”

    • Shane Arthur says:

      @Cori: Welcome to the CCC. That was a wonderful write. I could envision the whole thing clearly. I’m sure people will love you here. I’ll add your name and URL to the CCC Community Links page now. Everyone welcome Cori to the addiction.

      ps. Sorry for the moderation delay. I had kiddie duty tonight and was away from the computer.
      pps. Love your personal story on your about page. You go girl.

  9. Cathy Miller says:

    Death & the Detective Series
    ====================
    The musty smell wrapped invisible fingers of pain around the brightly colored bottles that held an apothecary’s dream. Eyes brightened with the madness of remembering the trace of blood the minx had left behind. He loved when they struggled.

    He mixed a puree of nature’s evil elixir of the gentle daffodil, the majestic Lily of the Valley, and wrapped it all with the reverent touch of foxglove. So common, so innocuous, yet few knew their deadly kiss of poison. He felt a shimmer of anticipation as his eyes moved to his wall of luscious victims. He felt the need to linger on his ultimate target. How would he play it?

    The naked sound of silence awakened to his rasping breath as he grew more and more excited – excited where he’d been and where he had to go. He would show the world. The echoing sound of childhood rants drummed in a relentless beat, “Willy, Willy, bananas and nuts, lives in his mother’s house of sluts.”  

    “Stop it. Shut your face or I’ll cut out your tongue like the whore before you,” he sobbed like the slender, wand of a child lost so long ago. There was no treacle for the poison of memories burnt in the wheat field of forgotten dreams.

  10. Stacia says:

    How to Bake a Moxie with Your Bare Hands
     
    The apothecary handed me a list of ingredients to make-up my kinda gal today, ’cause I said I wanted a real suga, one kick-ass minx that would make my bananas go gaga all night.
     
    I lingered in his office earlier after my quickie check-up. He gave me my medication pills for my dis-ease, but I felt that they have never been enough. I am always comfortable feeling uncomfortable. That’s why I need a gal to keep me up in company, baby, up all night long.
     
    Oh, those luscious lips on my lips brushed against each other – I can just picture her right on my sweet spot with those shimmering eyes gazing right back at mine, her make-up on all perfect. After I left my kitchen counter, with my mixer hit puree for the bag of winter wheat a that touch of treacle my apothecary handed me just now, I listen to the rattling hurtle my mixer makes while I go hubba hubba and bristle along on my sofabed.
     
    I waited, and waited, ’til it’s pureed, and waited ’til, Oh, I got up ’cause I can’t wait any longer.
     
    Oh, f*ck. I’m missing a wand.

  11. Hey guys guess what!  I started the short pieces again.  I gave up trying to catch up so this is continued from challenge #63. Bah.

    “Do you need an apothecary?” I asked.
    “What a minx you want.” She said.
    Her sad smile found a way to puree my emotions.
    Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears.
    Her luscious lips quivered.
    Silence lingered.
    “You think I am bananas” I said to break the silence.
    “I wish you had a wand to wave or a treacle to apply and make this hurt go away.” She said.
    Motherfricker” I whispered to myself as I stepped closer and enfolded her in my arms.

  12. Avenged in Blood #46

     Two adults on an underpowered motorcycle was a joke. We finallygave up that charade about 3 blocks from her apartment. She was pissed about losing her stuff but I pointed out that we could move faster with only small bags to carry.
    She seemed placated, baby pink lipstick beginning to shimmer in the sunlight that was striking her luscious lips. As my eyes lingered, my mind wandered. What was happening to me?
    I was losing my edge, the razor sharp awareness that cops need in order to stay alive. I needed to find the apothecary and see if he had a treacle to steel me against the wiles of this minx I was involved with now.
    I shook my head to get focused again. I would be dead soon enough if I could not think. We wandered the streets, eyes constantly searching, wary of any stranger reaching into his coat, or anyone who seemed to pay too much attention to myself or Lola.
    “So, “I began, “just where the hell are we headed too?”
    “I dunno.” She said. “There are way too many people after you to just run. I guess they are after me too. What do you think we should do?”
    “Go after the ones holding the contract.” I said.
    She looked horrified. “Look, “ I said, “It isn’t like I can just wave a magic wand and make all of this go away. That mother#@&!er Mueller is going down just like Cabrese did.”
    “How do you hope to do that?” she asked.
    “Bloody, very bloody.” I replied. “We have to be prepared to shoot them all. We have to be prepared to die.”
    “I don’t know if I am ready to die. Not for you anyway.” She said.
    “They are after you for failing to kill me and still being alive.” I said. “They can’t let you live with your knowledge and not being effective.”
    She looked dejected. “This plan is freakin’ bananas.” She said. “My brain must be pureed. Let’s go get him. But I need more guns.”
    My heart skipped a beat or two. This girl was…wow. “Gun shop?’ I asked. She nodded and we took off toward Nick’s Firearms. He owed me a favor or two and it is funny how background checks can get lost or misdated.

     

  13. Kelly says:

    LIKE TREACLE FOR VAMPIRES

    M*f*ck*r!”

    She screamed as the drill bit pierced her skin. Like treacle for vampires, a droplet of luscious, deep red formed on her thumb, right next to the nail. Stunned, she watched it linger and grow to a ruby that any society maven would be happy to wear on her finger… were it not for the mess… then in the bat of a minx’s eyelash, it reformed into a river, shimmering its way down her upheld palm toward her sawdust-caked wrist.

    Shit. I need to get to an apothecary. No waving of a magic wand is gonna make this go away, she thought. I’d be bananas to keep working, but that deadline’s gonna crush us if I don’t…


    She plastered a little puree of wood glue and sawdust on the weeping hole in her digit, wrapped it in a shop rag, and resolved to take a look at it after the order was finished.

    • Shane Arthur says:

      @Kelly: Super write. Love the dedication she showed. Reminds me of someone catching up on all the challenges. 😉


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